The Context of Mondays

Today seemed short and long at the same time. I went into work this morning and had a meeting with my boss because I am becoming a “peer academic coach.” A peer academic coach assists students with different learning strategies, so it’s different from being a tutor, which I am currently. My boss and I discussed mind mapping primarily, or that seemed the majority of our discussion. I honestly don’t know if you could call it a discussion. He spoke to me about these things and I listened. I did explain to him at one point (under a different context) that I observe and pay close attention opposed to taking notes because then I recall everything that happened. If I put myself back there right now I certainly could.

Other than that I only had a few writing appointments, which all went fairly smoothly. I still struggle to explain some concepts of the English language to non native speakers. Honestly only a few of our grammatic rules make sense. As a native speaker it is hard to explain which articles to use before different words because it is all so much based on context. I try to familiarize students with context by suggesting that they read novels. No idea if any of them do or if that is an effective suggestion, but my French professor has us read fiction, so I assume it works the same with all the languages, as far as effectiveness and recognition of certain written cues are concerned.

Absolutely no idea.

My new gauges came in the mail. They are the same design as my last ones, but I needed the taper before I could move on to plugs. Right now I’m at a size 4.

I am in severe need of excitement. It was way too humdrum last week, and it’s only Monday, but this week is already shaping up to be the same.



In the Caffeinated Comfort Zone

Today was one of the most uneventful days that has ever transpired. It was also one of those days where I almost go into a trance like state. If you were to ask me what I did today, I would really struggle to remember. Here’s what I do remember:

This morning I decided to take a practice lsat test, which is the test you must take before entering law school. I had no idea what it would contain for examination questions, but it reminded me somewhat of an IQ test. It had a bunch of analytical and logical questions, of which the final answers where usually illogical. I need to find a more reliable practice test. Right now I am not really serious about any careers, which sounds worse (or maybe better) than it actually is in my mind.What I am struggling with is the idea of being out of school. I don’t want to be stuck doing something for years that I hate to do. I want challenge, excitement, and worthy causes. Heroic sounding, but it’s actually quite selfish of me. I won’t explain now.

After taking the sham test, it occurred to me that I had been drinking quite a bit of caffeine. I looked up how much of it was too much in a day. Somewhere around 500 mg was pushing it really far. I calculated that I had about 600. If you have too much you can actually overdose, but I’ve built up quite a tolerance, so who’s to know.

I sincerely hope that tomorrow puts me out of my comfort zone, because that’s when the most interesting things happen.

An INTP cannot be a Fiction Writer

I have to be something that agrees with my personality. The fact of the matter is, I’ve discovered that I am not nearly as creative as I imagine. Have you ever heard of INTP? That is me. It struck some sort of chord when I first read about the personality, and I have had the test done professionally. I am indeed an INTP. I’m not going to explain what that comes from or anything, but if you haven’t had the test done, look it up yourself.

As it is, I am going to college for English. I am not going to change that degree plan, but I am beginning to think about what I will do after I am done with that. What sort of career I could have that won’t bore me to death.

I wanted to be a writer. A writer of fiction, poetry, short stories. I never imagined that I was not creative. I am creative, yes. However, I am creative in a conceptual way. I can see the big picture, but I get too annoyed with tiny details. In other words, I see no way to be a successful writer of fiction as much as I can see my way to being a successful (albeit eccentric) something else.

I have looked up careers and such that are good for INTPs. Most of them concern working mostly by yourself (score!) and potentially having clients (sounds great, I’m already used to that as a tutor). They also involve (usually) some sort of science or math skills, of which I have a limited amount. There were only a few that did not have those elements in them, but they are still very practical. I am going to be looking into them more because I need to find something to do after graduation. I can’t stand being bored.

I can’t be a good fiction writer as an INTP. I am too practical and cannot understand basic human emotions. They won’t ever hit someone “in the feels.” Although it’s what I’ve always said I would do, it’s all good with me. I’ll find something else that is worth my time, and possibly drop the fiction class I am signed up for.

The Problem with Being a “Strong Woman”

I would like to be seen as having the same audacity, respect, and character as a man. I am certain that people may occasionally see me as a strong woman, but let’s face it. Are woman ever really looked at as being strong? As a “strong woman” one might think of acquiring physical strength to make up for not being respected as much as a man. These days, more women are turning to weightlifting or something of a more physical nature in order to prove their worth as a woman (although some might insist that it is purely for their own enjoyment or benefit, and once in a while I believe it is the case). While physical worth is becoming more common amongst women, therefore encouraging the label “strong woman,” it is still rare that a woman would ever be seen as having severe intellect, or strength of character, or being gutsy. Those are terms simply never applied to women.

Here are just a few differences in compliments:

Men: Gutsy
Women: Brave
Men: Bold
Women: Forward
Men: Intelligent
Women: Smart

The differences between these words are not as subtle as they seem. The terms applied to men when it comes to character qualities are actually compliments. The words used on women are knocked down, begrudging admissions. Look at the word “brave” for example. It means having to face something scary or frightening and merely handling it well. A man would never call another man brave. They use that term on a young boy on occasion perhaps, but never on another full-grown male. “Smart” is a belittling compliment compared to “intelligent.” It’s like a thing you might say to a little kid who got a good report card. “Forward” implies stepping out of boundaries, where “bold” means rightfully asserting your position in a situation.

Pay attention the next time you hear compliments being passed around. Listen to which ones are used on women, and which ones are used on men. Which words would you rather have used on yourself?

I have said many times to my older relatives growing up: “I am not a girl.” What I meant by it was that I am not a brave, forward, smart individual. I am gutsy, bold, and intelligent. I am not a strong woman. I am just strong.